What am I to you?

As my Sunday night wound down to a calm, I decided to do my dishes while listening to the beautiful Norah Jones pour her soul out in music. The last song on the CD is titled "What am I to you?" Do you ever wonder that?
Look around at your relationships...family, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives and think to yourself what am I do these people? Am I their greatest treasure, best friend, confidant or am I more just a number on their Facebook account to prove they know people in this world? Have you let them in to know who your really are or are you holding something back, afraid to just open up and be that unfavorable word "vulnerable"?
These are some questions I have been asking myself. I've been on a great journey trying to discover myself, be ok with who I discover and trying to improve what I can while accepting what I can't. It's a journey that has been marked by incredible people who have taught me much. Even if sometimes what they taught me was more what not to do (you know who you are). But the point is, while here on this Earth we are touched in one way another by a myriad of people. There is no way we can get through even a single day at times without the influence of someone around us effecting who we become that day. They help decided what choices we make, what we think about and maybe even drastically alter the path in our life.
The point I am at now is how much I allow others around me to influence what I choosgbhtfhat point do I step back and say enough. Now it's my turn to just be and think and choose. There are times when I just want to push pause. To pause life and just look at what is going on from above so I can see the full picture. But unfortunately I can't. This is why I'm so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who is able to see the big picture. He can see what's coming my way and help me know if it's going to be good or bad in the long run. How lucky am I?! And the best part is He does this for EVERYONE. All we have to do is let Him.
So, back to my original question that may or may not have gotten a little sidetracked, what am I to you? Let me know....

Happy Sunday.

Being scared to try new things is ridiculous.

This is what I learned from my cat today: being scared to try new things is ridiculous. Here is the whole story:
I got this beautiful tabby, Bengal mix named Sahara. She's orange, about 2 and just cuddly. I like her a lot and she's helped me when the nights got too lonely to handle. But, like my roommates have said, I was worried she was getting too lazy and fat. So, I made the brilliant decision to buy her a collar and leash so I could go outside and relax and she could come too and I wouldn't worry about her running a muck and getting gobbled up by a Rottweiler while I looked on helplessly.
Well, I got her blingin' fantastic collar and leash to match and tried to get her to go outside but she seemed reluctant. I picked her up and carried her outside and she was FREAKING OUT; ridiculously afraid of a beautiful meadow of grassy paradise bathed in sunlight. I'm not that big of a fan of nature unless it's the ocean, but I was ready to relax and enjoy the moment.
Out of my love and genuine desire to help her connect with the outdoors, I remained outside with her puffy-self and tried to coax her into chill-axing but nothing doing. She was a spaz. In the end, I decided alright, enough torture, lets get you inside.
If I had thought she wasn't happy outside, I nearly passed out at the amount of strength that small hairball put into her fight trying to get inside again! Yowling, vainly scratching the air and going nearly exorcist on me, I finally got her back in my apartment and promptly opened a can of the good stuff (wet cat food reserved for emergencies) and let her unwind.
So, the next time I'm feeling worried about the unknown, I'm going to remember Sahara and the ridiculousness of the situation. New things can be fun and enjoyable. Don't fight it, just accept it and have fun! Don't become a pussy-cat :).

There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness. ~Lady Blessington

There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness. ~Lady Blessington

I have no idea who Lady Blessington is, but I agree wholeheartedly with her. Difficult times come and difficult times go and in the moment it's not fun. Sometimes it seems like no matter how much time you spend in front of the mirror applying makeup, fixing your hair, giving up and getting a haircut, or buying new clothes; if you aren't happy on the inside nothing you do on the outside will make you feel any more beautiful.
Beauty is a gift, but it's not a single type of gift or a single type of look. What am I talking about? There are so many types of beauty. Beauty is not defined soley by the leaders in fashion or by "the-eye-of-the-beholder". Beauty can be in anything and no, you don't have to search for it. It's a state of being more than anything. It could also be defined as a light shining through the very being of the person.
Think about it, the last person you saw that you though, wow, they are truly beautiful (not necessarily in those exact those words of course, those are my words). Were they coming at you from the page of a magazine, completely re-made and only having a slight resemblance to actual humans? Or was it a person you see walking down the street who has a slight smile, somewhat peaceful countenance and just emanated calm? Or the man who is smiling widely while listening to his son or daughter talk about their day?
I'm sitting here at this very moment in a laundry mat watching families, singles and a mix of the two do a task that is unavoidable and mostly annoying..laundry. There are women, men and children and my favorite are those moments when the moms and teenage daughters smile and laugh with each other. They are so beautiful! Can't they see it? Can't they see how wonderful and special they are?
Laundry isn't the worlds most glamorous chore for sure, but you really can't do much else while you are here. Even the most stressed and pressed for time people are forced to stop and wait while the soap and water do their duty. These few precious minutes, an hour tops if you are me, could be considered a time to stop and reflect and observe.
I am forever grateful for the beautiful people in my life. Their influence and love have been obvious my entire growing up years. Just the opportunity to spend time with them and watch them in their beautiful ways, living their lives is enough for me to realize how very lucky and blessed I am.
The next time you feel the overpowering need to buy a new outfit or change something about your appearance because you just don't feel beautiful, stop and look deeper. Why don't you feel beautiful? Most likely it will be sometime more than just your makeup.

There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness. ~Lady Blessington

The best this life has to offer

"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anythingbut the best, you very often get it"

- William Somerset Maugham

I can't tell you how many times I have been told never to settle, to never accept anything less than the best. It's one of my major character flaws. I am kind and accepting, but to a fault. I think it's one of those things where you think, well eventually I won'be like this. Eventually I'll grow out of it and right now I can just "be me".

But who is "me?" There is a quote that floats around that goes something like this: "God loves you just the way you are, but he loves you too much to leave you that way."

Being you could any number of things and any number of stages of you. There isnt' just one "you". Being yourself is a complete choice, but not just any choice, it's a layered and difficult choice. You can be the "you" you are comfortable with that never has to do anything more. Or you can be the "you" that you have always wanted to be and strive for refinement and dignity. Then there are all those layers inbetween...it all comes down to you. There is no scapegoat of "I was born this way" like Lady Gaga says. Sure, you can be born into just awful circumstances and rise above, or even born into the best environment possible and sink far below.

I think that the key if figuring out who you really are anyway. You are a child of God. A God! Think about it, God is all-powerful, all-knowing and perfect. Flawless! He is all loving, all caring and all sorts of involved in very detail of everything! That is potential we all have. No one is exempt.

If there is ever a time to step back and think, do I deserve this? Am I good enough? The answer will always be a thousand times YES. But, that begs the other question, are you will to sacrifice, swallow your pride and follow what He wants? Even when it doesn't make sense and even when you REALLY don't want to? Remember, you are you...you can do whatever you want. Make the choice and stick with it.

"It's a funny thing about life, if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."

Half the battle is in making the decision...

The other half is sticking to it.

I'm sure you've noticed a recurring theme in my blog, that of having witty quotes to help me portray what I'm feeling. Well, I have to say that this edition is pretty special. I hadn't heard this one before, but it's pretty special.

Each indecision brings its own delays and days are lost lamenting over lost days... What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has magic, power, and genius in it.
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

It's so true. How many times have you been so scared about making the decision that you just stand there, petrified of going left or right but knowing you're wrong to not move but still unsure of which way to go. Choose left and you get your heartbroken and so does he, choose right and you get your heartbroken and well, so does he. No one can win. You are stuck. Either way you get hurt and so do they. Stay put and you both are in a hellish limbo not knowing anything for sure.

Relationships...every single person craves them, every enraptured couple in the beginning is in a euphoric bubble of bliss that makes those on the outside cringe just a little. Then there is the couple that is just coming off that high and realizing that things are hard and added pressure just makes it all worse. But if they can get through that they reach what is true serenity...that moment when you realize that no matter how tall the mountain, deep the ocean, dark the night and blazing the day, you are going to stick together like glue because you found something you know you can't live without. What is it? True, understanding, committed and utterly devoted love.
A love that everyone who hasn't experienced thinks is only in fairy-tales with handsome princes and beauties who never age or gain an inch. But it does exist. It does and is worth fighting for. The only question that remains is this: Are they that diamond in the rough or are they the learning experience disguised as cubic zirconium?

"What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has magic, power, and genius in it."

Hold out for your diamond, even when the cubic zirconium
looks really good in the moment.

Control your thoughts because they become the words you use. Control your words because they become the actions you perform.

This quote from Robert E. Wells has a second part. Here is the full quote:


"Control your thoughts because they become the words you use.
Control your words because they become the actions you perform.
Control your actions because they become the character you reflect.
Control your character because your character becomes your destiny.
Control your destiny by becoming what your Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ want you to be." -Robert E. Wells

Having been dealing with a lot of stress, concern, confusion and over-all uncertainty in the last week, I've become increasingly aware of what I want in life. More than ever before, I'm thinking more about long term effects of the choices I make. How each step I take and each word I say could, in theory, effect something much larger down the road. I don't understand why we have to pass through moments like we do when we have an all-knowing, all caring God that watches out for us and knows exactly what will happen in the end, but I do know that it helps us grow.

I overheard a conversation yesterday wherein a couple of beautiful women were talking indirectly about some problems and how their mothers had told them that God knows how much you can handle and won't give you more than that. Their reponse was, if He already knows what I can handle, He doesn't need to give me all of these trials. It's enough that I'm able to handle it without actually going through it.

This initially had me thinking how proud and faithless these women were, but after contemplating their response carefully, I realized that in the moment of pain, do we ever think clearly? Are we ever happily skipping along thinking how fantastic trials are? No, we aren't. We are clinging on the the very hope that someday it will all be over. We feel low, desperate and wondering if He even cares.

My mom, whom I love very much and have been immensly blessed to have a very close relationstip with, sent me a story yesterday. This story I had read many times, but today it just seemed to fit a little better with my needs and current situtation. The story is called "The Refiner's Fire: A Lesson on Life's Trials." Here is the link to where you can read it. http://lds.about.com/library/weekly/aa100702a.htm

Essentially, some women were doing a bible study and wanted to know more about how the process of refining silver (Malachi3:3). One women went to speak to a refiner of silver and found out these important aspects of the job:

1. The fire must be EXTREMELY hot.


2. The refiner cannont take his eyes off the silver for even a moment or it will burn and be ruined


3. The process is complete when the refiner can see his image in the silver.

I am the silver and Heavenly Father is the refiner. He puts me in the hottest circumstances, never takes His eyes off me for a second and makes me into something so pure and so precious, He can actually see His perfect reflection in me.

"Control your thoughts because they become the words you use.

Control your words because they become the actions you perform.

Control your actions because they become the character you reflect.

Control your character because your character becomes your destiny.

Control your destiny by becoming who your Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ want you to be"

-Robert E. Wells.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck.

Does everything happen for a reason?

Do you really believe that? Deep down in your heart of hearts, where you keep the simple truths you know are true, is this one of those truths? Or is it simply a happy-go-lucky way of blocking out responsibility and claiming that all things, big and small, that happen are all just on a plan. Or is it more than just a happy thought? What if we all really were so important that someone made a plan just for us? A plan that mapped out our entire lives, not step by step with rigid guidelines, but a plan to give us the opportunity to be shaped, molded and improved upon so that we could become better than who we currently are. A plan made by whom? A plan that focuses on me, or on you or on someone else? How is it possible that the intricate details of our lives can somehow wind together into a perfect fit that enables the fate-like collisions that completely alter our universes?

The answer is simple in theory, but difficult in practice: God. Our Heavenly Father who watches from above, is intimately involved in everthing that happens and who is generally concerned about us as we make our way through his gauntlet of tears and joy.

For me, yes, I believe everthing happens for a reason, even the small things. But I think the trick is not over-looking the small things, but not over-emphasizing them either. I believe in taking things in stride. To trust in God, do your best and really try to act the best way you can.

I know God takes care of us. I know He watches out for us and loves us for who we are, but I also know He cares too much about us to leave us that way. We have to improve and become the people we really are.

So no matter what strange and seemingly irrevelant (or super-relevant) passes happen in your life, keep in mind that there is someone who already sees how it could end for you, if you just keep moving.