Am I this girl or that girl?
All growing up I had this nasty habit of always wanting to be somewere or something other than what I was. My Dad is the king of the "softly muttered adectdotes" and repeatedly mentioned that I should "bloom where I'm planted."
Well, as far as I was concerened, God made some sort of sick play on my life and dumped me in Fillmore, UT when I think the original plan was Seattle or New York or most definitely...Paris France. Somehow, though my immediate family was selected perfectly, our origins were not.
How could I, a girl with potential to conquer the world of fashion, to travel and meet new people, experience new cultures and be refined as can be in my country club dreams stay more than 5 mintues in a town without even a stop light?
How was I supposed to get into Harvard Law or the American University of Paris when my extra-curricular activites were sports or maybe a small debate team? When the school budget was next to nothing and most of my friend's dreams were to get married by 18?
Oh it was rough and in rebellion I decided that I would NEVER fit in to my small town nightmare. I wore business professional clothes to school one day and hippie delux the next. I was way above and beyond going "camping" or getting dirt on anything but my car tires. I denied country music, was a pioneer heritage hater and wanted nothing to do with the outdoors, claiming that it "grossed me out".
As you can see, I had all sorts of fun issues and as a result transformed myself into somebody I didn't know. This created an opportunity for me to both loose myself in some character that I had made to fight against my fate of growing up in Fillmore and have to go through the wretched process of "finding myself". Who's fault is that? God's? My parent's for not moving? or mine for not being able to accept that this is where I was put for a reason and there's something I needed to learn here that I couldn't learn anywhere else?
But isn't that life? Don't we always want something other than what we have? I'm pretty sure that's how it goes. But in the end I think I'm a mix of the two. Sure, it's been a journey, but we all have those. I'm still trying to come to terms with both sides of me but in the end, I'm a pretty big fan of how things are turning out.
And the adventure continues......