I miss you....

I miss your voice.
I miss your smile.
I miss your stories
I miss your cards.
I miss your hugs.
I miss your support.
I miss your house.
I miss how we used to look at pictures together.
I miss your red fingernail polish.
I miss your love.
I miss how we used to talk.
I miss staying all night at your house.
I miss hearing you say my name.
I miss telling you about my day and you being genuinely interested.
I miss how you used to dance.
I even miss you telling me how pretty my hair used to be.
I miss hearing you say "I've been everywhere".
I miss everything about you.
I miss you saying you pray for me every morning and night.

I really miss you. Even though I know you are happier now, I wish I had one more day with you.
I miss how my heart used to not hurt so much because I knew you were just a phone call away.

Kayla: Definition...not sure I wanted to know after all.

Have you ever had those days when you are SO bored that you go and google your name to see what it means? Well ladies and gentlemen...I just did! I'm not going to lie, what I found was umm..enlightening? At least it had my sister rolling on the ground with laughter. I'm just curious who this Ross person is...

According to one google search:

Kayla

A beautiful female who is slightly goofy and really crazy in all areas of her life; never forgotten and always lovable. The defition of Kayla has changed dramatically over time to rest at the above definition. The word "Kayla" is actually derived from a Greek mythology female deity who would prey on innocent men in the way of adinner whore. The deity had one fatal weakness: a hysterical male deity by the name of Ross who only had to speak her name to suppress Kayla's alluring powers.

As for the truth behind how I received my name, just check out the picture above. Say hello to Kayla Brady from the hit daytime soap opera drama: Days of Our Lives. Oh, and are you wondering who that dashing man in the eye patch is? That's her husband...Patch. I'm guessing because of his patch, but mind you that is just a guess. Either way if you are going to wear a patch, best to wear it like this man here...with head to toe black leather. Ohhh yeahhh... haha! My mom was a pretty big fan and coincidently, I was born during the time slot for the show. Crrraazzyy... yes.

As for the definitions behind my name, they are hilarious. I like them and I think it makes you think you know, what's in a name? Yeah, my name is Kayla but does that really shape who I am? Maybe. If I let it. If not, its just a pretty name my mom picked out for me when I entered this bright beautiful world. Thanks mom :).

what to do when you have to have a "talk"

What do you do when someone says, "hey, we need to talk". It doesn't matter who says it, I always get that chill up my spine that screams PANIC!!! Instantly I fly into a fix-it frenzy and run through scenario after scenario of what we could possibly have to talk about. I think about all my options. Meaning, should I even agree to this "talk" or if I don't what could happen? What if it isn't all that bad, but what if it is? See...just like in "Letters to Juliet" when they read that letter stating that the words what and if separately are harmless, put them together and it could be a dagger to the heart. What if. What if? What if!

Well, what if? Say it enough and the phrase only gains value in vague horror. So this is where I stand on the issue...if you need to talk to me about something important, just say what it is we need to talk about up front.

Example: "hey, we need to talk about your hair...it's scary". Done! I'm not freaking out, I have the subject of the discussion and your opinion on the matter all in the first sentence. No need to worry, no need to wonder. All ambiguity has been removed and we can all go about our business and leave all the "what ifs" out of our lives forever. Doesn't that seem nicer? I think so.

What I learned about marriage from Arthur

Confession: sometimes I feel like I'm stunted somehow in life because I'm 24 and not married....and living in Utah.

Granted, I realize that this thought is RIDICULOUS beyond belief, but after being raised with the underlying expectation that I will be married before 21 and if not, then shortly after serving a mission and then coming to a point after those two options and still single? It's a tough pill to swallow.

I spoke to my most trusted advisor about this very subject not too long ago and was told that although I am making great strides into becoming more of a whole person myself, I'm just not ready to be married. Part of me thought..what? Not ready? I'm old! Of COURSE I'm ready!

Then I watched Arthur, you know, that one movie with Russell Brand? Yeah. I watched this and made some startling realizations for myself. Here was this man, old and rich who thought that life was dandy until he met someone who he kind of really liked. The story goes on to show how through circumstances in his life he matures, becomes more "whole" himself. It wasn't enough that he was rich, fun or even that he loved this girl to be married...he had to be ready.

He had to get to the point where aside from all the outside factors, he had to be ok with just him. Then he got to be part of something better, a couple.

So maybe Hollywood finally got it right. It's not all about the meet cute, the story or the difficulties overcome to finally get to be together. It's about two whole people giving of themselves wholly to form one bond.

And it's past 3 and most likely I've not made much sense, but I had to get it out while it was fresh. I really hope this makes sense when I wake up.

Orange Crush and Mt. Dew

Battle of my summer

Work has been pretty amazing lately, I'm not even going to try and hide it. I love my job! My co-workers are bomb and the whole concept is something I actually believe in so working here is great :).

This week I had two sodas to carry me through. If anyone really knows us, meaning my family, you know we like our sodas! A: Mt. Dew. It is the nectar of the Gods and I am personally convinced that there exists a natural flowing fountain somewhere just waiting to be discovered. Imagine...a land flowing with Mt. Dew. yuummm...

And then there is Orange Crush, the drink of summer. Mt. Dew is year round, Orange Crush is summer for me :). That and kool-aid.

So as I sit here, diligently working away, I have a bit of summer and a bit of joy with me.

ssssooooo goooooood :)