Tuesday 9 August 2011

I only feel pretty when I'm trying too hard...


People tell me I'm pretty, gorgeous even...but I rarely see it. I know most of the people who read this will either think A: fishing for compliments B: pity party time or C: why?
Truth is, both A and B are false. I'm not saying that compliments never help, but they never, I repeat NEVER fix how you feel about yourself. It doesn't matter how many times someone tells you they think you're pretty if you don't feel it they might as well be telling it to a wall.
I was watching Bones last night and the episode was about a woman who was murdered and they couldn't tell what she originally looked like because of all the plastic surgery she had done. She had nipped, tucked, broken and reshaped herself into a completely different person because she thought she was ugly. In the end, she made herself blend, not stand out with exceptional beauty.
The idea of plastic surgery has intrigued me, I'll admit, but I always figured I would do it when I was older, mid thirties or early forties. Until then, I guess I just deal with what I have and try to make the best of it. That's when the topic of this blog comes into play.
When I spend time, work at it and really try to look pretty...I feel it. But the everyday, waking up, going about my life....not so much. I don't understand how women can just be naturally beautiful. How do you they do it? Hardly any make-up, tousled hair, loose clothes and they are models. I can't do that. I feel like I'm only pretty when I'm coated in make-up, teased and high maintenance hair and then squeezed, tucked and corseted into an outfit. Even after all that, give or take half an hour and I feel insecure, like I have to touch-up in a mirror. How do you get past that? How do you get to that place where you don't really care and by not caring, are beautiful? Someone please tell me, I'd love to know.

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